Changing Jobs

Hey readers!

You’re probably used to having something come from me every two days.
Usually it’s a poem every two days.
In a week I usually finish a full chapter of one of my works.
You might have noticed I’ve been posting more frequently the past couple of weeks.

I changed jobs!

It’s given me a lot of free time. I’ve been going back and forth between my apartment in Brooklyn and my friend's place in London.

I’ve found myself pretty consistently wanting to write like I haven’t in a long while.
I went through a dry spell for a couple months.
I kept writing but it felt like I was pushing a boulder up a hill.
I think I’m Atlas in some ways, struggling to hold up the sky of my world.
I know that’s not the same Greek myth, don’t shoot me they both apply.

That general malaise(?) compounded when my wife and I mutually agreed to separate.
It’s odd. It didn’t come all at once it came slowly. It was somehow almost mundanely.
We had fights, all couples do, and we had moments of love and tenderness.
We had quiet times where we were together but apart.
What happened to cause it is we simply changed.
I actually don’t know if that’s a bad thing, change is needed.

We had been drifting for a while.
What kept us together wasn’t shared interests, hobbies, or even time.
It was a fear of not having someone to lean on.
It was this dread of not knowing where to rest our heads.
Forgive my shitty rhyme, I was feeling poetic.

Why it’s odd is that we still have that with each other.
I think a lot of people in similar situations would find that so peculiar.
How do you stay friends after you’ve been married?
How do you make that switch and not just leave the room in the dark?
It was because we, truly with all our hearts, love each other.
But we know for our mutual love, we can’t be together.
We just aren’t right for one another.
If we’d kept going that candle would have gone out.
It’s been going out.

So here’s my reflection.
I’ve known her since I was four.
We went to pre-school together.
Fuck, she's known me my whole life.
You know what?
I like that, I love that, I can’t lose that.
So we decided we wouldn’t.

I guess I’m scared she’ll find another man and fade into the dark.
Not because I’m jealous, I want her to be happy.
I just don’t want to lose my best friend.

I’m sure I’ll find another woman someday.
I’ve already decided she needs to be okay with Mallory.
She’ll be secure and she’ll understand.
It will just be who she is as a person.

So to the point.
I’ve had a ton of time recently in between work. I’ve been enjoying it.
That shakeup in life can be super helpful for getting you out of slumps.
This kind of turned into a slight self reflection as I was writing it.
That wasn’t my intent but I think that those feelings really inspired me.
So maybe that was the point?
I’m not writing because I have time.
I’m writing because I have a reason again.

I hope you’re having a great week and expect another chapter of the new book by Saturday!
Cheers,

Max